I’ve always been really resistant to linear thinking or absolutes, especially when it comes to people. I try to see people in a way that’s respectful to their humanity, and for me that means not seeing someone as just one thing - their job, age, race, whatever - and especially not their nationality or cultural background.
But applying that respect and logic to myself has been very hard. And I have struggled for a long time with my own varied and shifting multicultural and socioeconomic background. I won’t get into specifics in this post but suffice to say that I am still very confused about my cultural identity because, I think, I am so intent on pinning myself down as one thing. Iranian. American. Iranian-American.
But if you want the real story about a person, there’s so much more. Like, for me, it would be: Born to Iranian parents in Germany, I came to America at age seven and have never been to Iran and grew up with a single mom that raised me Pentecostal but I’m not any longer and we didn’t have a lot of money and in fact it was so little that I still feel anxious about money a lot even though I don’t really need to.
But that is a mouthful. And really, none of these things feel comfortable to me. So for now I have pushed these questions to the back of my mind. And they surface when I am up late, working and wondering if I am doing the right things. And if not having resolved these questions for myself is why I wonder if I’m on the right path.
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Dear Sepideh,
The labels that are put upon us! We internalize their oppressions so deeply, for too long.
There is no path, or the path is one step at a time: to be centered, clear and integral
i used to tell my children —when they said: I am half Jewish and half Armenian— I told them: You are not half of anything, you are a complete human being.
Be kind to yourself, accept the contradictions in you, and forgive yourself a thousand times every day. And forgive me for barging on you unexpectedly.
With love,
Esther
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